I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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