he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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