i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
