I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
