4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
