My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
