So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
