3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
