Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
