I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
