3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
