You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
