I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
