would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
