Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish you could order shots online.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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