I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize