That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
