So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
