I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
