4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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