okay pat passed out under dana's car
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
