She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
