remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
