Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
