My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
