I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
