I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
