I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
