tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
