eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
