if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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