living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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