my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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