Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
