I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
