I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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