If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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