She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
