Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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