Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
