could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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