Cold hands, warm shart.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
