so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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