This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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