so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
