I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize