Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
