Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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