Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
