I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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