I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
