yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
