I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
