Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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