She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
