I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
