Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
