I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
