Pappa wants mamma naked
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sober January is a disaster.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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