Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
