Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
