I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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