When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am mentally ready for anal.
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