Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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