I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
