How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
