just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
