I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
