need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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