THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
